Shifting Into Park. 

Knowing When It’s Time 

To Turn Over The Car Keys.

 Americans have always had a love affair with the automobile.

More accurately, we’re married to our cars, and it is a match made in heaven.

Although it usually starts at an early age, no one wants to divorce the faithful, lifelong partner parked in the garage or driveway – no matter how old one gets.

There lies a growing problem. According to AARP 8,000 Baby Boomers will turn 65 every day until 2029. The U.S. Census Bureau predicts the nation’s 65 and older population will reach 70 million by 2030, and 83.7 million by 2050, almost double the 2012 level of 43.7 million.

The good news: we’re living longer. According to USA Today, an American woman aged 65 has an average life expectancy of 20.5 years, an American man 17.9 years. The bad news: The American Automobile Association estimates we outlive our ability to drive by 7-10 years, an estimate in agreement with studies conducted by Elizabeth Dugan, a gerontologist at the University of Massachusetts.

As increasing number of older Americans struggle to maintain an independent lifestyle, wrestling with the decision to hang up the car keys for good is one of the most difficult and emotionally challenging decisions they – and their families - face.

“I would rate giving up the ability to drive the fourth most traumatic life-changing event a senior-citizen faces, after the death of a spouse, moving from one’s home and coping with a major illness or injury,” said Ralph Hansen, founder of The Caring Coach, a Denville, NJ-based transportation service specializing in the unique needs of senior citizens and those less than fully mobile.

 “Not being able to get behind the wheel is traumatizing on two levels,” Hansen continues. “From a practical standpoint the person still needs to do food shopping, get to medical appointments and accomplish day-to-day chores and errands. On an emotional and psychological level it’s devastating to not be able to meet friends or engage in social functions that keep you active and healthy – mentally and physically. It’s a blow to the ego and self-esteem.”  A University of Missouri study even found when one spouse stopped driving, the other also became more sedentary, effectively isolating both partners.

Hansen regularly provides guidance to seniors and their children who are struggling through the process of getting mom or dad to part with the family sedan.

“Many times it becomes the responsibility of the children or caregiver, since many seniors are unrealistic about their driving abilities, often because they are frightened of losing their independence,” Hansen says. “Seniors will often put some limits on their driving without being pressured. They’ll stop driving at night or in rush-hour traffic, in inclement weather or long distances. But the decision to permanently give up the car keys often comes with a battle because, conversely, they overestimate their abilities. Even in the face of fender-benders, near-misses and traffic tickets."

Hansen has a checklist for children and caregivers to use to be sure the process of taking away the car keys is efficient, fair and creates the least amount of stress. He advises:

1.   Without fanfare discreetly check the condition of the car, garage, fences  and mailbox for signs of damage. Also check that the car is being maintained properly.

2.   Without providing commentary or criticism make it a point to ride along with mom or dad on a few common errands. Hansen provides a checklist of things to look for, most of which are common sense safety issues like drifting into other lanes, abrupt acceleration or braking, or nervousness or confusion in traffic. Similar lists are available online on websites like aging.com or from The National Institute on Aging.

3.   Get their hearing and vision checked and schedule a complete physical that includes testing for physical strength, neck and shoulder flexibility and reaction times.

4.   Check their medications for side effects like drowsiness or disorientation.

5.   Assess their mental abilities, especially if they have difficulty following directions, identifying street signs or have gotten lost or confused driving to familiar places.

Hansen advises children and caregivers not to rely on the state DMV as an easy out for a difficult problem. Most states have fought a losing battle with senior-citizen advocacy groups when trying to implement more stringent driver’s license

re-testing or shorter renewal periods for seniors. Currently Illinois and New Hampshire are the only states requiring drivers 75 and older to pass a road test before they can get behind the wheel on their own again.

Children should be patient, sympathetic and firm, and have options ready for keeping parents in their homes and living as independently as possible, such as suggesting they take remedial driving lessons offered through organizations such as AARP or AAA. Still, it’s no easy task to potentially limit the freedom of your parent, considering 3 out of 5 seniors live in suburban or rural areas where mass transit may be non-existent.

Hansen started The Caring Coach four years ago in response to the specialized needs of seniors struggling to maintain an independent lifestyle.  Unlike traditional taxi or livery services, they routinely go into the home to be sure the client is prepared for inclement weather, have things like referrals, paperwork and medical forms if they have a doctor’s appointment, and check that the house is locked and secure. They assist the client to, into and from the vehicle and wait until the appointment concludes to return them home, then reverse the process by getting them safely into the home, locking the door behind them. Most importantly they communicate closely with children and caregivers to assure them mom or dad completed their trip safely.

“We have a lot of clients whose children don’t live near them, often out-of-state.  It becomes incredibly important for them to know that mom or dad got to the doctor’s on time, returned home safely and what happened in-between. The way we communicate with our clients and their caregivers is like an on-going status report. It provides everyone with peace of mind.”

Hansen states it is common for the process to be a gradual one: eliminating unessential driving first before making The Final Decision. But, he adds, it is never an easy one to make:

“The allure of the open road has been part of the American Dream since the

Model T. The person you’re asking to hand over the keys to the family sedan may well have learned how to drive on that Model T. Giving that up can be incredibly difficult. Children and caregivers need to be respectful of the emotional challenge it represents and do everything they can to find viable alternatives that help maintain the freedom, independence and dignity a person is used to. That’s the driving force behind what we do at The Caring Coach.”

Great Article About The Caring Coach in The Morris County Daily Record.

Ruse on the Loose: Denville man's livery service goes beyond the ride.

Working for a livery company, Ralph Hansen noticed he was getting many calls from senior passengers looking for transportation to medical appointments. As he helped these clients to and from their destinations, he began to realize just how much they really needed his help.

"These guys needed assistance, they needed help, they needed encouragement. I'm a very strong relationship person and I have a very strong customer service ethic about me, so a combination of all those things just made me say, I really love this, I really love helping people," said Hansen, who lives in Denville with his wife Lois.

"I told my boss, you know, we're not even marketing this and it's coming to us. This could be a really good thing. But he's had a strong livery service for a lot of years in Morris Township and just didn't see the need to go in that direction. So I just put it in the back of my head and a couple of years later here I am in business."

Hansen is the founder and owner of The Caring Coach, a transportation and livery service based out of northern New Jersey which recently celebrated their third anniversary. The on-call service company not only does all the driving, they give each client arm-in-arm, door-to-door help, providing the most important element the client and their family need: peace of mind.

"When we go in, we help them with hat, coat and gloves, make sure they have their keys, make sure they have their list of medications for the doctor. All those little things that are something that an adult caregiver would do. I tell people, we work exactly the way you would. In other words, you would do all those things but if you can't, we're here to do that," said Hansen, 72, who has three children and eight grandchildren.

"If people need respite, mom had one appointment a month and now she's got three, and I have a job outside the home, I still have two teenage kids, I'm going crazy. My best client is an adult caregiver that's pulling their hair out because it's getting to be too much. That's the service that we offer."

As the population has gotten older with people living longer, the need for transportation to hospitals, doctor's appointments, surgery centers, physical therapy or treatment centers has grown, especially when family members are not close and unavailable to help out.

"The statistic that blew me away, was 70,000 Americans a week turn age 65 and that's going to go on for the next 15 years or so. So what's happening is we have an epidemic on our hands of people that need assistance. On the other side of the coin, people are living longer. I have 85, 90, 95-year-old people that I take around," Hansen said.

"And these little buses, the ones subsidized by county, by town, a lot of those services are drying up. The people that I work with, can't use those. The bus will sit at the curb and toot the horn and wait for this person to come. Here she is standing on her stoop, scared to death, maybe the steps are a little slippery or they just need that help. They need the arm-in-arm, door-to-door help. It's a day of fear going out anywhere. It's very hard, very hard for them."

Besides driving, Hansen will give an assessment of the person for a family member who is many times thousands of miles away. Although he's unable to tell them what the doctor said, he's able to give them a detailed judgment of what he sees, how the loved one is getting around or if he feels their abilities have diminished.

"You get a call from California, from Florida, I have no one, 'I need to get mom to the doctor, can you help me?' And what I do is I give them a full report. If I take mom, I'll tell them blow-by-blow what happened and give my opinion. 'Looks like mom is struggling in this area, you might want to look into that,'" Hansen said.

"Occasionally you'll have situations where a facility will say, we're trying to get hold of her and she doesn't answer her phone, that kind of thing. I tell people that so they know what's going on. That's the kind of information I like to give them so they have peace of mind. It's almost like they were here but they're not. I'm like an extra family member."

Because The Caring Coach is based out of Hansen's Denville home, it's easy for him to reach most areas of northern New Jersey including Morris, Warren, Essex and Union counties. But he's willing to go almost anywhere to help someone reach their destination. He would also like to get involved in handicapped transportation in the near future.

"I absolutely love what I do. It was one of the first things I ever did that I enjoyed. When a customer sees you, they're happy because they know we're going to take care of them. And that response has been unbelievable. I get people that come back, come back and come back because they know they can trust what I do."

http://www.dailyrecord.com/story/news/local/2015/02/06/denville-mans-livery-service-goes-beyond-ride/22980589/