Shifting
Into Park.
Knowing When It’s Time
To Turn Over The Car Keys.
Americans
have always had a love affair with the automobile.
More
accurately, we’re married to our cars, and it is a match made in heaven.
Although it usually starts at an early age, no
one wants to divorce the faithful, lifelong partner parked in the garage or
driveway – no matter how old one gets.
There
lies a growing problem. According to AARP 8,000 Baby Boomers will turn 65 every
day until 2029. The U.S. Census Bureau predicts the nation’s 65 and older
population will reach 70 million by 2030, and 83.7 million by 2050, almost
double the 2012 level of 43.7 million.
The good
news: we’re living longer. According to USA Today, an American woman aged 65
has an average life expectancy of 20.5 years, an American man 17.9 years. The
bad news: The American Automobile Association estimates we outlive our ability
to drive by 7-10 years, an estimate in agreement with studies conducted by
Elizabeth Dugan, a gerontologist at the University of Massachusetts.
As
increasing number of older Americans struggle to maintain an independent
lifestyle, wrestling with the decision to hang up the car keys for good is one
of the most difficult and emotionally challenging decisions they – and their families
- face.
“I would
rate giving up the ability to drive the fourth most traumatic life-changing
event a senior-citizen faces, after the death of a spouse, moving from one’s
home and coping with a major illness or injury,” said Ralph Hansen, founder of
The Caring Coach, a Denville, NJ-based transportation service specializing in
the unique needs of senior citizens and those less than fully mobile.
“Not being able to get behind the wheel is traumatizing
on two levels,” Hansen continues. “From a practical standpoint the person still
needs to do food shopping, get to medical appointments and accomplish
day-to-day chores and errands. On an emotional and psychological level it’s
devastating to not be able to meet friends or engage in social functions that
keep you active and healthy – mentally and physically. It’s a blow to the ego
and self-esteem.” A University of
Missouri study even found when one spouse stopped driving, the other also
became more sedentary, effectively isolating both partners.
Hansen
regularly provides guidance to seniors and their children who are struggling
through the process of getting mom or dad to part with the family sedan.
“Many
times it becomes the responsibility of the children or caregiver, since many
seniors are unrealistic about their driving abilities, often because they are
frightened of losing their independence,” Hansen says. “Seniors will often put some
limits on their driving without being pressured. They’ll stop driving at night
or in rush-hour traffic, in inclement weather or long distances. But the
decision to permanently give up the car keys often comes with a battle because,
conversely, they overestimate their abilities. Even in the face of
fender-benders, near-misses and traffic tickets."
Hansen
has a checklist for children and caregivers to use to be sure the process of
taking away the car keys is efficient, fair and creates the least amount of
stress. He advises:
1. Without fanfare discreetly check the
condition of the car, garage, fences and mailbox for signs of
damage. Also check that the car is being maintained properly.
2. Without providing commentary or
criticism make it a point to ride along with mom or dad on a few common errands.
Hansen provides a checklist of things to look for, most of which are common
sense safety issues like drifting into other lanes, abrupt acceleration or
braking, or nervousness or confusion in traffic. Similar lists are available
online on websites like aging.com or from The National Institute on Aging.
3. Get their hearing and vision checked
and schedule a complete physical that includes testing for physical strength,
neck and shoulder flexibility and reaction times.
4. Check their medications for side
effects like drowsiness or disorientation.
5. Assess their mental abilities,
especially if they have difficulty following directions, identifying street
signs or have gotten lost or confused driving to familiar places.
Hansen advises
children and caregivers not to rely on the state DMV as an easy out for a
difficult problem. Most states have fought a losing battle with senior-citizen
advocacy groups when trying to implement more stringent driver’s license
re-testing
or shorter renewal periods for seniors. Currently Illinois and New Hampshire
are the only states requiring drivers 75 and older to pass a road test before
they can get behind the wheel on their own again.
Children
should be patient, sympathetic and firm, and have options ready for keeping
parents in their homes and living as independently as possible, such as
suggesting they take remedial driving lessons offered through organizations
such as AARP or AAA. Still, it’s no easy task to potentially limit the freedom
of your parent, considering 3 out of 5 seniors live in suburban or rural areas
where mass transit may be non-existent.
Hansen
started The Caring Coach four years ago in response to the specialized needs of
seniors struggling to maintain an independent lifestyle. Unlike traditional taxi or livery services, they
routinely go into the home to be sure the client is prepared for inclement
weather, have things like referrals, paperwork and medical forms if they have a
doctor’s appointment, and check that the house is locked and secure. They
assist the client to, into and from the vehicle and wait until the appointment
concludes to return them home, then reverse the process by getting them safely
into the home, locking the door behind them. Most importantly they communicate
closely with children and caregivers to assure them mom or dad completed their
trip safely.
“We have
a lot of clients whose children don’t live near them, often out-of-state. It becomes incredibly important for them to
know that mom or dad got to the doctor’s on time, returned home safely and what
happened in-between. The way we communicate with our clients and their
caregivers is like an on-going status report. It provides everyone with peace
of mind.”
Hansen
states it is common for the process to be a gradual one: eliminating
unessential driving first before making The Final Decision. But, he adds, it is
never an easy one to make:
“The
allure of the open road has been part of the American Dream since the
Model T.
The person you’re asking to hand over the keys to the family sedan may well
have learned how to drive on that Model T. Giving that up can be incredibly
difficult. Children and caregivers need to be respectful of the emotional
challenge it represents and do everything they can to find viable alternatives
that help maintain the freedom, independence and dignity a person is used to.
That’s the driving force behind what we do at The Caring Coach.”